I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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