were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
