Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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