So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Girls should come with a carfax report
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
