oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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