there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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