OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
