The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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