whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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