I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize