I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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