note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
