My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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