Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Vodka?
Forever.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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