I think scott just propositioned me for sex
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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