we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
