My friends, they love my intelligence
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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