Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
