My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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