How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
