when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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