I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
