Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
