Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
