I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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