Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
