I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
