If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Vodka?
Forever.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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