I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
