I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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