don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
