I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
