he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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