Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How does one acquire holy water?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think I just sharted jello shots
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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