you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Come see our sink grown plant.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
