CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
