So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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