Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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