Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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