3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
