I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
