sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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