I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
this is an emotional support booty call
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
