Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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