She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
