The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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