Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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