This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
