Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
