You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
