wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
