The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
