I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize