It's Friday. Sex?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
