I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
