...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
