I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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