yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
