well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
