Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
