Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
