I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
